Friday, August 31, 2012
Sommelier Jobs
Sunday, August 19, 2012
New joke
I was going to be a suicide bomber when I grow up. But my career ended up being a dud.
I wanted to be an actor that plays suicide bombers, but my career never blew up.
If I publish these jokes, will the FBI come to my house? Or even worse, TSA?
Can I get a laugh for world peace?
Old joke
I heard an old joke about a terrorist:
After the war, I met a suicide bomber. He went on six missions.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Tasting wine
If I really want to taste wine like the consumer does, I should drink it from the bottle.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Water parks
Water parks are going to be opening this year for the first time without any operating bathrooms.
When asked why, the water park commented, "You all don't use them, anyways."
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Gps voices
Women are statistically more likely to listen to a males voice on a gps navigation system.
Men are not likely to listen to anyone.
Pun preparation
I intend to make a company that specializes in private investigation and building log cabins.
I will call the company Sure Log Homes.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Fake business idea
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Hispanic Racism
Americans need to stop trying to oppress latin Americans. They oppressed african americans until heroes stepped up, and change was forced. So, unless Americans want to have March as Latin American History Month, and a holiday named after an assassinated hero ( probably named senor martin julio rey or manuel equis), that the southern states refuse to ratify until the federal government forces them to give the day off.
Don't repeat history and end up with a situation where all month we hear about every day inventions that were invented by hispanics.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Paradise
Girl. Take me on vacation
Italian accent. Where do you want to go?
Girl. Take me to paradise!
Italian accent. I got pair' a'dice right here. Whatta you wanna play? Craps, pig, yahtzee, bunco, cee-lo?
Refrigerator
A refrigerator is something you by when your frigerator didn't do it's job the first time.
Prosthetics
I opened up a prosthetics manufacturing company.
The startup costs were an arm and a leg.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I didn't get accepted for a job.
I failed the drug test.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Sherlock Holmes
Why yes, he would have had a book written about him near 100 years before his birth.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Jetsons car
Where is the jetsons car? Come on, science...
If we had the jetsons car, TSA would be right there in our garage. I'd be going to work in the morning...
"Empty your pockets into this bin... Take off your belt and jacket."
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
A married household
A married household is one where the husband comes home from work, the wife says, "Welcome home," then proceeds to tell him why he is not.
Religious metaphor
An agnostic person has their eyes shut gently. He cannot see what the religious person sees, but does not deny what they say. He says, “There could be all kinds of things out there.”
An atheist wears a blind fold. He keeps his eyes open, but cannot see anything but black. He states, “There is nothing here.”
A philosopher has open eyes. He looks forward, and turns his head to look around. He says, “It’s black as night out.”