Religious metaphor

A religious person has their eyes tightly shut with such force that they see visuals and lights that do not exist.  He says, “There are things here that are greater than us.”  

An agnostic person has their eyes shut gently.  He cannot see what the religious person sees, but does not deny what they say.  He says, “There could be all kinds of things out there.”

An atheist wears a blind fold.  He keeps his eyes open, but cannot see anything but black.  He states, “There is nothing here.”  

A philosopher has open eyes.  He looks forward, and turns his head to look around.  He says, “It’s black as night out.” 

Cognitive comedy

I am a cognitive comedian.  Which means, if you talk to Descartes, that you have to think about my jokes, then they exist.