Pistachios

Pistachios are the clams of the nut family.

Ancient woman just like today

It will be no surprise to anyone that the phrase "Women!  Can't live with them, can't live without them!" was an old saying in ancient Greece. 

Cigarettes vs. car accident

Even if I smoked cigarettes, I would be more likely to die in a car accident.  I live in an asian neighborhood.

My Mother in-law

I'm not saying my mother in-law and I don't get along.  Its just the restraining order gets in the way.

Rational Thinking

When I buy a loaf of bread and bring it home to my family, I break it off into little bites and hand the tiny morsels to everyone, one per person.  When they say, "what are you doing?", I say, "I'm being rational."

Cogito

Descartes:  Christof!  I have figured it out.  I think, therefore I am!

Christof:  If that's true, what about idiocrates?

Idiocrates:  Derrrrrrr........